Why is our relationship so rocky?
There are many underlying reasons why your marriage might be at risk such as work-related stress, financial concerns, emotional incompatibility, and different ideas about child rearing, differing values, an affair, boredom, lack of fun, or sex & intimacy issues.
A common mistake is that when feeling hurt many couples resort to criticism, and accuse the other of a list of the wrongdoings stretching back months and even years. This makes the other partner defensive; communication becomes more and more destructive. Both partners need to learn the rules of “fighting fair” to resolve differences.
Is there any hope?
All conflicts are worsened by poor communication. After Ilona teaches couples the skills of how to communicate respectfully and fairly, the relationship improves.
All couples in a relationship need:
- Emotional security and a sense of safety with one another;
- Variety and stimulus in daily life together;
- Love and emotional connection through regular, honest communication;
- A strong sense of significance from the partner – each feeling she/he is a priority and very special to the other.
Does your relationship meet these basic needs?
How can we revive our relationship?
When your relationship runs into trouble, you should immediately seek help; waiting rarely solves the problem and the longer the tension is left, the more the outward, negative behaviours become entrenched.
Ilona teaches how couples can fulfil each other’s needs and how to recover quickly after a fight. The fighting is not the problem; it is the ability to recover after a conflict that is the most important factor in creating or maintaining a healthy marriage.
As a trained and very experienced therapist, Ilona helps you find the real underlying issues and then systematically eliminate them.
Ilona offers a supportive and non-judgmental space for gay couples. There is no difference between her approach to heterosexual and homosexual couples.
The human needs for connection, significance, variety, safety and stability are universal.